Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Lobotomy vs Technology

See that look?

Yep, Mom is the master of the stink eye. Just so you know, this particular stink eye is aimed at all you Smelly detractors, but I digress, which is my right as first born daughter.

Did I tell you that Mom had a lobotomy?

Yep, that's right.

In the seventies she underwent brain surgery to remove a benign tumor and morphed into a technological free zone. Uh huh, can't even operate the remote control for the TV. (Just don't be so naive as to engage her in a cat fight, er conversation, over politics or religion.)

She also learned to swear, mostly at us, while we rolled on the floor belly-laughing over her first attempts at speech.

Hey, the surgeon told us not to help. He said Mom had to find her own words, and we coped in true family fashion. Once we know you'll live, we lapse into hilarity.
Dad was a bit startled to hear his wife call his lovely daughters dip-shits, but it brought stomach clutching tears to our eyes.

So I've set the stage, and I ask you, would you give this woman the new iphone 4S?

Me neither, but she insisted, and you've seen the stinkeye, so I give you the results of her first conversation with Siri.

Now, be tender with your comments. Mom can't
work a remote, but she's a whiz on the
computer.

67 comments:

  1. LOL!!!

    I love that the love you have for your family shines in every smart-ass thing you write. Oh, and if your mom's genes are any indication, you are going to remain fabulous forever. She's beautiful, stink-eye and all!

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  2. Well, who DOESN'T know chicken dammit?
    Or wants to?

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  3. I love the honest and open (not to mention hilarious) relationship of your family. Thanks for letting us peek through the window!

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  4. Mom's as strong as they come and she has a great sense of humor, but the woman has a MOUTH on her.
    Uh, hi MOm ...

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  5. This is a priceless post, and wow, she really DOES have the "stink eye" down pat! Great read (and laugh) heheh...

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  6. She scared all the boys in my eighth grade class.
    See Mom ... STINK EYE.

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  7. I tried to duck out of the way, but I think we made eye contact for 4.7 milliseconds and now my retinas hurt. And there seems to be a hole in my mask. Can her stink eye actually penetra...."Yes, I did let my neighbor's garbage burn, and failed to take responsibility. Yes, I did leave the toilet seat..." HOW DO YOU STOP THIS CRAZY THING??!!

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  8. I'm tellin ya. When I was young, naive, and in bootcamp, they asked if I took anything seriously. As if a drill sargeant could live up to my mother.
    P.S. She's a softie, but she's never has to raise her voice.

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  9. Omigawd, that's a horrendous stink eye. I'm a-gonna have nightmares tonight... a woman.. in a red blouse... stirring what looks like a pot of congealed blood...

    Did she really have a lobotomy? I mean, really?

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  10. OMG you guys are funny. I don't think I'm calling Mom tomorrow. I'll let Brat do that.
    She did have Brain Surgery, but not a lobotomy :)

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  11. The "stink eye" I can handle, but what's that she's cooking? I'll put up with the testicle-freezing glance for a taste of something yummy.

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  12. I think thats a curry laden sauce for an Indian dish. When ther's food involved, she doesn't scare me either.

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  13. Kelly,
    bad words just put everything in perspective, don't they? sometimes i wish i could swear in class, just to make my point with the students. oh, and by the way, your mom scares me... she's got great stink eye; yet, she's ultra cute. :D

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  14. Um, lots of perspective in our family. Someday I'll tell about the time I told a passenger to get off the f#*%ing phone.

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  15. Did Alec Baldwin have the bad luck to try his attitude on YOUR plane?

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  16. Your Mom wants my address does she? Well I need to send her something too. A plaque to hang in the kitchen that says:

    "It takes a special woman to stand arms akimbo with one arm!"

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  17. Baldwin? I wish. My only job skill is out-talking the troublemakers. When they feel silly, my work is done.

    I can hear Dad laughing.

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  18. I love those like you who keep it real. Love it because though family is all... it is never that perty.....

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  19. Hi Laura. I agree, perty is for wimps.

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  20. THIS is HYSTERICAL..and i guess i better get to bed cuz i read lobotomy and looked at her breasts.

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  21. Love yours and your family's attitude!

    Your Mom's stink eye scares the crud out of me!

    Glad she's still with you ;)

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  22. This has cheered up my first day back to work. Your Mom looks like she could stare down just about anything! I like her spirit, though.

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  23. OH. MY. FUNNY. I have a new aspiration to be your mom someday.

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  24. dip shits?? Now that's funny! You have a great sense of humor. We laugh too in my family, when we know they will live. :) Great line, by the way. I dig it.

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  25. I'm guessing you made a comment about what she was cooking to get a look like that.
    If I had to guess it was the beggining of sausage gravy?

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  26. I want to laugh, but I am pretty sure your Mom can kick my ass. Look at her!
    Ha - she's awesome.

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  27. Yep, Mom's brilliant and funny and strong. Nothing keeps her down. She'll laugh over your great comments. Well, except for Mike, Mike's in big trouble.

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  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  29. (Let's try this again... without the typos... My goodness, I need more coffee. Ahem.)

    Your posts are some of the best ones I read every week, Diva. Totally true. Love-love-love them!

    And your Mom has quite the stink eye. I wouldn't mess with her! :)

    No way!

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  30. Hahaha!Somehow I hear my daughter's voice with your tone. She sometimes would make fun of me and tell stories to her friends but I have no doubt that she adores me. This is such a sweet funny post!Now if I could only guess how old are you :D

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  31. That is a scary Stink Eye. I would hate to be on the receiving end of that. I don't remember seeing the lobotomy scar, I'll have to look close.

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  32. So incredible funny...I love it! Funny times I'm sure? She got an iPhone? I still feel computer illiterate with no lobotomy. Always great hearing your stories.

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  33. We're always proud of our age. Mom will be 81 in January and I'll be 53 in February. She still hikes likes a mountain goat.

    Capt Ryan, you have been on the recieving end of the stink eye, but like Rob, you're impervious, or maybe oblivious.

    Yeah well, I lied about her computer capabilities. She emails just fine, but can't find my website. Still, I'm a little afraid to go too far ...

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  34. OMG........this was hilarious. "Mom" looks like she should be on a sit com' of some sort. That look would scare the beeegeezus out of me. Glad she made it if only to fill everyone with love and hilarity! Good for her! You go girl!

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  35. YIKES! That stink eye picture brought back soooo many memories from my own childhood, which all seemed like a good idea until I met up with my mom's own version of the stink eye!

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  36. The stink eye is the badge of a good mother, or a real mother, or ...

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  37. https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/208612_1018587063175_1180082939_30133272_5635_n.jpg

    Take THAT, Kelly's Mom!

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  38. Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, that look wouldn't scare a puppy. What's that Mom? Oh okay, I'll tell him. Don't come back til you learn to embed a link.
    If you can't figure it out, ask any girl scout.

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  39. That's hilarious - I love your mum (although that stink eye look sends shivers up my spine..)
    Happy New Year to you all x

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  40. That's the problem: My very own girl scout grew up and married a boy scout. And you're right. I tried to scare that puppy away from my daughter but it didn't work. He took my girl scout and ran!

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  41. Greetings! *waves*
    New follower here. One who is much too afraid of the stink-eye to comment unfavorably. ;)
    Too funny!

    -Jimmy

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  42. Thanks for poppin over James. Mom's a master of the stink eye, but she really excells at button pushing. It's fun to push back :)

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  43. Funny but poor thing. Happy New Year.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

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  44. Hahaha! I thought you were a kid or a teen! You sounded like one! :D Got your reply above there!:D

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  45. Yeah, well, put me in a room with the sibs and I regress.

    So good to see you guys.

    Mike's another matter. Mike's a pest. I want to speak to his oldest sibling.

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  46. hahaha what can you do when you get the stink eye but just do what she wants.

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  47. Auntie I presume. Right after she opened last years gift? Thanks for the visit Pat.

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  48. He's an old man. Hard of hearing. I wouldn't bother.

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  49. Too funny! My mom didn't know you had to leave the phone ON for it to ring. Silly girl.

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  50. The word 'stink eye' alone makes me laugh!
    Christy
    www.poeticparfait.wordpress.com

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  51. I just fell a little bit in love with your mother.

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  52. Hahaha this post was pure gold. She sounds hilarious!

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  53. you are amazing, your family is amazing , and I love the way you write. Thank you for sharing this on your blog--it is really bookworthy, you know.
    best wishes, jean

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  54. Oh Julie, has your mom been on my plane. I've had some of the funniest conversations with passengers who couldn't turn their phone off, without help, then couldn't get it back on again :)

    Thanks Jane, Moms having a blast with the comments. Usually people fall in love with my dad, give my mother a pole-axed look and then follow her around like puppies.

    Evan, she is hilarious, and a certified ham.

    Jean, Jean, Jean, I'm at work and borderline crabby, hey I gave up ice cream, so you just made my day.

    You all made my day.

    And Mike, someday you'll have to travel and I'll be waiting ...

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  55. lol oh Bless. This was a great post. Happy New Year. have an awesome day.

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  56. If you're not careful she'll leave you lint in the will.

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  57. Hey MOM, you're okay, okay?
    Have a Happy New Year all.

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  58. That is an incredibly stink eye!

    And wow, I'm not even sure I can operate an iPhone...

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  59. Thanks Suzy, have a splendid year.

    Dear Mrs Tuna, when I get custody of mom ...

    Anthony dear, don't give the woman ideas.

    Lynn(e) I had to buy the iphone because she kept asking me questions.

    Thanks V3ronica, I really appreciate your twitterings.

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  60. That message makes perfect sense to me ; )And can I borrow her? I have some kids who could use a good dose of that stink eye!

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