Monday, January 16, 2012

Pluggin The Ugly

Last night, I felt a funny bump in the pillow case. My thumb worked over the weird nubbin next to my
ear. I was groggy. What the Hell?

I fished the object out, flipped on the light and stared at my palm. A pacifier?

Yep, some poor baby is missing his plug ugly.

Some enterprising hotel maid took a short cut.

Too damned tired to care, I pitched the rubber nipple on the bedside table and went to sleep.

The next morning, I'm working first class and the gals in the back keep calling. I don't like noise. I can't stand chimes. I'm like pavlov's dog, only instead of drooling when the bells are rung, my blood pressure shoots up and I morph from Fanny Friendly to Lunatic Lucy.

"What?" I bark into the handset.

"We have a situation."

Shit. We're moments from take off, I have glassware strewn about the galley and they have a situation. I doubt it. "Fine." I hang up the phone and stalk to the back. My gaze rakes over the flight attendants standing with folded arms and lands on a frustrated passenger in the last row. "So what's up?"

He glares at me and jerks his thumb at one of the girls. "You have to get rid of her, she's, she's ..."

"yes?"

"She's tantalizing me."

I bite the inside of my lip. "Tantalizing?" I ask.

"Yes," he nods, "tantalizing."

Oh crap. I give him a look. "Do you know the definition of tantalizing because it's miles away from tormenting?" From the corner of my eye I see the flight attendants jab each other. I ignore them. The bins are closed, the trays are up. Frustrated is buckled in. "We're done here."

Heading up the aisle, I wish I'd kept the pacifier.

87 comments:

  1. What the Sam Hill?
    Fascinating. Love the way it ends.

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  2. Replies
    1. Hi Cathy. Hey guys this is Cathy, follow her home and she'll make you laugh.

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  3. Way to bring it back around!

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    1. Well, patience would take me farther but the words just spill out.

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  4. Lol! Not a bad idea, I'm sure a pacifier could be a good tactic for more than a few adults sometimes! Great post :o)

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    1. Hi Chantell, so glad the tree missed your house. Somedays I could use a good pacifier.

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  5. WTF? For real this numbnut said that?
    Working with the public is fun eh?

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    1. He did. He was harrassed and flustered and the wrong word popped out.

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  6. Was he continually tantalized until landing?

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    1. With the two in the back I can only imagine.

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  7. Replies
    1. Not his first language, but oh my, what a doozie.

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  8. Replies
    1. It might be too late. Hubby has me trained. I am now an oblivious slob. :)

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  9. Never underestimate the power of a binkie!

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    1. Brat always loved her binkie. I'll stick to the time-out chair.

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  10. Pacifier in the pillow?
    Good thing you didn't have any of those CSI Blue Lights available.
    Because that wouldn't be tantalizing.

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    1. I know, right. I travel with my own coffee cup, drop the TV remote in a plastic bag and peel off the bedspread. After that I ignore everything. But a pacifier?

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    2. True story (well, more of a 'comment' than a story, but you get what I mean):
      Mrs. Penwasser brings her own blankets with us when we go to a hotel. And a whole lot of baby wipes.
      Good thing the CSI BLue Light is on the fritz.

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  11. Oh, geez. Some guys are sooooo........ Odd. I'd want a pacifier too!

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  12. Thinking HE could use a pacifier. What a jerk-off! Seriously, working with people can be such a hoot or such a challenge. Thank goodness it's a hoot more often.

    Loved the tale. Bless his heart. Oh, and bless yours.

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    1. Anytime there's a tif, I think it's sixty percent the crew and forty percent the passenger. Not always, but often.

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  13. LOL! Perhaps you should have introduced him to his thumb, to keep him occupied and his mind on other things.

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  14. Great take on this week's prompt. A binkie can be useful at all ages.
    Pam

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    1. It's amazing what a little plug will do.

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  15. maybe if she'd 'tantalised' him a bit more he might not have been able to speak at all...hmmmmm!

    You are too too funny for words.

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  16. Thank you for my random giggle of the day :o)

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    1. Giggle are the best. I hope your day is full of them.

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  17. Tantalizing isn't in my wheelhouse anymore.

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    1. Like Golum and his precious, I'll never think of tantalizing in the same way again.

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  18. Wow, what a crazy incident. You just never know what to expect from people, do you? Sometimes that's good. Sometimes...not so much. As one for whom three years of working with the public was more than enough, I give you credit!

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    1. He used the wrong word, but,somethings wrong with me, I live for these moments :)

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  19. That sounds like a strange occurrence :P

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    1. No, a strange occurence is a plastic pool, filled with men, hurdling down a snowy hill. Glad you lived.

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  20. Tantalizing? Does he need some lotion and privacy? Oh, that is just too funny!

    I think I would have been grossed out to find a binky on my pillow.

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    1. Just a dictionary.

      And yep, sometimes it's good to be too tired to care.

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  21. I've had a long, busy, icky day, so thankful for your post. One, it made me laugh, two, since I am missing my girl (back at school) it reminded me how much I miss those presents she left in my bed.. It was the right post at the right time, thanks much. I think being a mom is the hardest gig ever, the strangest, the worst paid because of the never ending hours, but there are moments worth more than all the millions a woman can imagine.

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  22. HA! I might have been tempted to tell him to stick his thumb in his mouth and cry himself to sleep... LOL

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  23. Tag! You’re It, and a winner of the Versatile Blogger Award @ http://rwwgreene.blogspot.com/2012/01/versatile-blogger-award.html

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  24. This post is epic AND tantalizing lol! Pacifiers . . . They can be good things ;)

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    1. I could send a case for the school staff.

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  25. Oh my gosh I cracked up reading this. My daughter and I had a debate over beds in hotel rooms when we had to stay the night in Madison Wisconsin over Christmas. My daughter refused to get under the covers! I guess she was right! The entire blog had me in stitches.
    Also: I don't know how to post a comment! :(
    Kelly Valentine @kelvalen

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    1. I'm tidy, but now I tear off the sheets in the morning. I like to up the odds for the next guy.

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  26. Ok, I need to try this again, see if i can figure out how to comment...

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  27. This could easily become a scene in a play, or an episode on a sitcom... too funny!

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  28. LOL! I love this you told an irritating story in such a funny way - comedy my friend, comedy! :D

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  29. lol loved the story. plz keep telling them :)

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    1. Hey Jerzey. Love the pic. The Brat spent years imitating the Fonz and someday I'll figure out how to capture her antics. Thanks for the visit.

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  30. Thanks for my daily does of laughter :)

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    1. I love your motto and I'll bet you laugh often.

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  31. I love words and how they can be played with. When he said they were tantalizing him I would have said - Then what are you complaining about?
    The point being that team tantalizing can be tantamount to tendentiousness.
    Right?

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    1. Exactly, and isn't it fun when we reach for the wrong word.

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  32. Was it a long flight? Because, in the guy's defense, it could have been rather awkward if it was...

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  33. I sympathize with the guy and there wasn't much of a situation. That he reached for the wrong word just fired up my funny bone.

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  34. Hilarious!! Kind of like my brother who said, "I'm not a hypochondriac or anything, but I like my house fairly clean.' ....okaaaayyy..

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    1. Love it. I can hear your brother. Hand him a pacifier.

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  35. Too funny. Nice link from pacifier to grumpy grown man, and excellent malaprop. :) if only it was tantalizing....

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  36. Nicely done. ...and thanks for the tip. I'll be stopping by the store tomorrow morning to pick up some ugly plugs for my workday, though they'll likely be utilized on those I work with.

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  37. Oh, that was fabulous! I love it! And just in case you didn't follow comments on my blog - I'm jealous. I have to let my husband fall asleep first, with TV on, so that I can turn it off and get some sleep myself. Very frustrating. At least he is not a night person, so normally, I'm up later than him anyway.

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    1. Enjoyed your post April, thanks so much for the visit. Keep custody of the remote and sleep well.

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  38. I'd rather find a pacifier in my pillowcase than the used condom at the LaQuinta. Now I strip the bed and fully check the mattress BEFORE taking the room.

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    1. Exactly. Pacifers have a softer reputation.

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  39. Sorry I'm slow off the mark, just getting back to "paying you back" for my award.

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    1. Er, sorry, I suffer short term memory loss :)

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  40. You need to write a book and I'll be the first in line to buy it! I love your comedic sense of humor. Wish you had been on my plane that weekend. I looked for your pink shoes every time I saw a stewardess in the Orlando airport.

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  41. LOL. That is hilarious. Although, I bet to you, it's just another day on the job.

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  42. Oh Laura, I must admit, I was totally entertained.

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