Thursday, January 5, 2012

"You want me to wear what?"

"Um," I eyed the cocktail costume and shook my head. "Not my size." I knew the women in wardrobe and I'd baked them cookies in exchange for the longest skirt possible.

"Oh stop," Angela laughed, snatched the plate of goodies and pointed toward the dressing room, "you'll look like a goddess and you're lucky, the Vegas girls have to wear Cleopatra ponytails."

"I'll look like a moron." I muttered, snicking the door shut behind me. I took a closer look at the outfit, opened the door and stuck my head out. "Where's the rest?"

"That's it." Angela shrugged and plucked a second cookie from the plate.

With a baleful glance at the door, I shucked off my shirt and jeans, and tossed them on the chair. Rob was right, I'd make more money on the casino floor than I would pushing papers in the food and beverage office. Determined, I grabbed the gold trimmed toga, slid down the zipper and eyed the industrial strength corset and cups. I tugged the outfit on and tried the zipper, but there was a four inch gap to be crossed. Hah, I knew it wouldn't fit. "I need a bigger size."

I jumped as Angela opened the door. "Turn." She barked through a mouthful of pins. When I complied, she grasped the sides of the dress and yanked them together. "Zip."

Blowing out a breath, I did as ordered and watched my waist shrink three sizes. Then I sucked in a cautious breath and groaned as my breasts popped high above the neckline. Red stained my cheeks. "But?"

"But nothing." She laughed. "Not so worried about the hem length now are you?"

Mute, I shook my head. She handed over an oval cocktail tray and shoved me toward the hallway. The Tahoe property is small and long before I was ready, I pushed my way onto the floor, wobbled past a bevy of towering Amazon Barbies and promptly hid between the slot machines.

I gave myself a peptalk. Everyone I knew at Caesars wore a uniform, so why was I embarrassed? It wasn't like I'd ever see my folks in the casino. Shoulders square, I stepped into the flow of traffic and blanched.

"There you are." Rob grinned, but he wasn't alone. "Mom, Dad, this is Kelly."

I registered silver hair, impeccable dress, smiling faces. Oh holy crap, dressed like Jezebel and face to face with June and Ward Cleaver. The tray trembled in my hands and I suffered a full body spasm. I'd kill him. The moment Rob's parents were out of sight I was going to kill him.

Oblivious, Rob rattled on, but eyes twinkling, Betsy clasped my hand in hers and we started to laugh.

54 comments:

  1. OMG...what a first impression! Laughing is good for my soul, thanks Kelly!

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  2. Well...that's a perfect way to meet someone's parents. I met my future in-laws after we had been dating for 3 weeks.

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  3. This was written so well that by the time I got to the end I also couldn't breathe.

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  4. Please tell me that this picture is you.
    That's a damn hoot!!

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  5. Dang, you guys are quick.

    That's the outfit alright, but I'm a lot shorter. And Rob, Rob hasn't changed a bit.

    Thanks for poppin over. I really enjoy your comments.

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  6. Haha - great read! Sounds like your MIL has a sense of humour! :)

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  7. I think she always knew what a wild card her son is

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  8. Coulda been worse. He coulda met YOUR parents with HIS boobs spilling out of the top of a cocktail dress.

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  9. Honestly Al, I'm surprised it didn't happen that way.

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  10. That was a great story to share GPD!! I could feel her shivering hands from here.

    k~

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  11. And so the first "Dammit Rob!" was born!

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  12. I would have been mortified! Of course I never had the body to rock a costume like that but I say when you do, you go girl! :D)

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  13. This is a case of the outfit wearing the girl, not the girl rocking the costume. (And I was mortified:))

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  14. Oh this was so fun...you write well and the pictures you painted---whew! (smile) I would have killed Rob, too if I was his wife...but still, what a great way to get to know your in-laws!

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  15. That is a GREAT story! I can't even imagine! Thanks for the chuckle!

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  16. I've had every stupid job in this hemisphere. Sigh.

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  17. well, i want you to send me the real picture of you... i'm pretty sure you were smoking hot...

    you wrote this very visually... i 'saw' every little, and big, part of you in this write... LOL

    fun post, kelly!

    :D

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  18. Ah, no, it was more gidget hangs out with the Amazons than anything else. No pics, but nice try!

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  19. Oh, great story- I've had a lot of wacky jobs too, can totally relate...even had to wear a similar outfit ... when I worked at a comedy club, we all had to dress up for the week of halloween, 7 days of strange, too short costumes. (didn't run into my MIL, but saw more people than I cared to that's for sure!)

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  20. I bet dad was impressed-- even if he couldn't say anything. And you had a job!

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  21. My father in law was a class act. He had a good heart. Rob has a good heart.

    Thanks for the visits guys, it's always great to see you -Kelly

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  22. I bet you did look amazing, and no wonder your future husband was keen to show you off to his parents ;o) I would have been embarrassed too though, lol, but I'm sure you made a lasting impression, and obviously a good one :o) Entertaining story!

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  23. Rob shows off Mahi-mahi with the same enthusiasm. Thanks for the visit ladies. Have a marvellous weekend -Kelly

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  24. Enjoyed this post GPD :D I normally end up wearing my teens' costume dresses after one wear like the Greek Goddess costume.

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  25. LOL.........it made me chuckle and being a guy the image of your womanly self being zipped up in such a cocoon was terrific. And for the Cleavers to have handled it all with such aplomb - congratulations to all!!

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  26. I was giggling aloud by the end. I suspect we all have cringe-inducing little 'meet the parents' moments like that:D Mine would be cooking dinner for the in-laws for the very first time. I was not the accomplished cook I am now...not by a long chalk and I will never forget the utter horror with which my much loved and missed mother-in-law, Margaret, surveyed my peeled potatoes. I had no ideas why, but my partner later told me she was convinced we would all die of poisoning because I'd left a few green bits on the potatoes!

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  27. Kelly, what a fantastic tongue in cheek story - Love it! And I love the site, my Dearest Ms. Diva. Thanks for sharing.

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  28. Too funny! When a first impression really counted too...
    christyb

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  29. Well at least he didn't throw anything on the ground that you'd have to bend over to pick up.

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  30. Sooo funny and well written, Kelly. ...and I can totally empathize, but that tale is for another time. At least having that as a stepping off point, you'd do nothing but impress them from then on. Actually, I'm sure they loved you immediately - corseted costume and all.

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  31. Yikes! How awful for you! I would have died. Good thing she laughed along with you. Her silence would have been horrible!

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  32. Love this. Again, with the awesome dialogue and storytelling.
    I, too, have had every job in the hemisphere. Except girl-Caesar cocktail slinger, here. Are they hiring?

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  33. I read your comments between flights and start laughing. You should see the heads swiveling to goggle at me. Nobody has this much fun in an airport terminal. Thanks guys!

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  34. Very engaging. So did the corset make your waist smaller and your breasts bigger?

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  35. Er, a certain amount of distortion occurred.

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  36. OMGosh!!!! Hilarious! I pictures everything crystal clear, a comedy in action! What a way to end a night, with a good laugh! Afyer the food from the holidays, I'd love to find a dress to shrink me a good 3 inches! LOL

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  37. So funny. I would have not been able to breath if I wore that.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

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  38. Thanks guys. Have a splendid week. -Kelly

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  39. Hmm, do I need to fire up the stink eye?

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  40. What a great post, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. cm

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  41. Anthony, Sweetie, about those blintzes ...

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  42. This is a great and funny story! I'm glad it seems to have worked out well with your inlaws. But you should have heard what my parents said. ; )

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  43. Haha! This is great!! It's almost like a clip from a comedy you would see in theaters! Definitely made my day :)

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  44. Holly, you're a sweetie. Hey, what are you up to? Wait right there, I'm on my way over.

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  45. Totally Hilarious! I love your writing!

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