Sunday, February 12, 2012

Finders Keepers

"Statistically speaking," say's Beamer, "Rob isn't the guy for you."

"He's not?" I roll my eyes and settle the phone in the crook of my neck.

"No, he's the first guy you've dated since your divorce. He's transitional, not a keeper."

"Not true," I sigh, "I went on the date from Hell with Brat's co-worker. He wanted to take me to Hawaii and drive around the island in a vintage convertible."

"Well that sounds interesting, but ..."

My sister is an over-thinker. I cut her off, "you've no idea. We went skiing and I lost him on the slope."

"On purpose?"

"No, I'm not that brave. I looked for him, but I didn't find him until the ski area closed."

"That's good."

Uhuh. "Then we had dinner, discussed his biological time clock and I fled. Well, not exactly, but I ducked the follow up phone calls."

"One date does not count." She clears her throat. "According to statistics..."

"Wait," I reach for a legal pad and start to doodle, "don't forget the Pillsbury dough boy. We dated a few times. Oh and Mr Clean asked me out."

"Mr Clean?"

"Yeah, the original Mr Clean, the one from the bottle of cleanser." She laughs. "I'm serious, I said no, cause he's quite a bit older, but he wanted to take me to the movies. Some film about cats and dogs."

"The Original Mr Clean?" She echoes.

"Yep, that's what he told me."

"Still," she sighs, "you shouldn't live together. If the milk is free, he won't buy the cow."

"Okie dokie," I say, "Gotta go, Rob's home and Mom and Dad just walked in."

Two seconds after we're seated, Mom points a finger at Rob. "So," she says, "How long is my daughter going to be a concubine?"

Dad's brows shoot up.

I squeak.

Rob doesn't miss a beat. "Sounds like fun," he grins, "I'll be one too."

Mom snorts and brandishes her middle finger.

Dad catches my eye and winks.

I'm keeping this one.












61 comments:

  1. I'm glad you did. You're perfect for him. ;)

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  2. hahaha! Absolutely hilarious!Enjoyed this very much. A deviation from all my read this morning :D

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  3. Psych! Great dialogue. I'd like the story even better if you added some scenery detail.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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    1. You're on. Next post will be visual. Maybe I'll take you to the Carbungelow. Thanks for the visit Joyce.

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  4. Tell me you make these stories up just so they will be funny. No ones life is that comical, or is it? :D)

    Please stop by my blog. I have another award for you. You'll like this one...you don't have to do anything!

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    1. I've been to your blog, I've seen the award and I'm blown away by your grace. (Course my first reaction was, oh no she didn't ... )

      All true, at least the important bits. My family has a keen sense of the ridiculous and I never forget a good line. Sometimes, like in this post, I cobble together two events. Beamer was worried about me and Mom and Rob had that little exchange. I couldn't make that crap up.

      Oh and Brat and the nipple brush? I wasn't there, but Beamer told the story a gazillion times. Turns out Brat was closer to eighteen, which is, well, disturbing :)

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  5. I can always count on you for a giggle!

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    1. Which makes me grin in delight each time you tell me. Thank Ms. A

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  6. This is just another page in the oh so ho hum life of a mad woman! lol I love your little snippets into your life. Seriously, funny. ♥

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    1. Ahem, I want you to know that I am an oasis of calm in the desert of chaos. ;)

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  7. He sounds like keeper!!
    Does he perchance have a brother?

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    1. Oh a one of a kind. He approaches life with unapologetic enthusiasm. I hope you find his dobbleganger. (Just try to get the udated, does laundry version.)

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  8. Ha Ha! Definitely a keeper : )And your parents are so awesome too!

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    1. My parents are so awesome. It's the sibs I worry about!

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  9. I love Rob and I have never met him
    He is most definitely a keeper!

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    1. Ah, I've read your posts, and there is the strong possibility that Rick and Rob hale from the same gene pool. :)

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  10. Very funny, nice ending after a long day!

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    1. Thanks Claudia, have a marvelous evening.

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  11. oh lol. this is a great post. loved it.

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    1. I live for the laugh. have a wonderful day Suzy.

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  12. What a great moment to share with us! hehehhehe... I'd keep him too, sounds like he has an awesome sense of humour, and doesn't burst under pressure!

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    1. You're right. he doesn't get mad, he gets even, and his entire temper tantrum is a slight tightening of the chin. Blink and you miss it. Take care k.

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  13. This was classic and awesome and I loved it!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

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  14. This was really fun to read. I smiled and smiled. i'm so glad you didn't end up with Mr. Clean. Your man is perfect for you! What a great story. Happy Hearts Day!

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    1. Yep, he's a first class ticket to crazy town and he's all mine :)

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  15. Okay...that's pretty fun. Still love your mom.

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  16. Hey Gene, you so funny. I remember Mr Clean for decades now, especia;;y that cartoon.
    Remember it? A girl and Mr Clean are in bed, he is puffing on a cigarette as they have just finished doing it. The caption reads, her saying: "Before you, sex always felt so dirty".

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  17. Good Grief, I love your stories. Your family, like mine, gives you plenty of fodder.
    Loved it, as usual. :)

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    1. Yep, nothing like posting their special moments on the internet!

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  18. What a great story. Isn't it just such great luck to live in a family that provides such great dialogue material???

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    1. Who knew a memory for odd comments would come in handy?

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  19. Love your storytelling! Hilarious!

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  20. My husband was the rebound guy. We've been married for 22 years. Don't let this one go if you think he's a keeper (and it sounds like he is).

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    1. I kept him. This happened about twenty years ago. Glade you got a keeper as well!

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  21. That made me chuckle. Yep, he's a keeper, for sure :o)

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  22. I take it he's a one concubine kind of guy. He does sound like a keeper. And mom was only giving him the Hawaiian good luck wave.

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    1. The Hawaiian good luck wave. That's priceless.

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  23. Giggling back! Just so happened your comment popped up while I was reading yours. Thanks!

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    1. Oh that Christopher! "I love you full throttle."

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  24. I remember hearing the last part of this story, so it's nice to have the build up, too.

    I love popping in here--always a smile and a warm, fuzzy to go with it.

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    1. Huh, a warm fuzzy, so why do I hear Mom laughing? You bring the warmth with you. Thanks Beth.

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    1. I've been to your blog and my suspicions are confirmed. Younger sibs are annoying, but I think I'll skip the crocodile house. Kids do say the damdest things.

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    2. Just because the back of my head looks like the Mekong delta, and I resemble a pink Volkswagen with it's doors open, doesn't mean bald guys are insensitive. Just the other day I told my wife her butt wasn't fat and she didn't even ask me. Her book club looked at me kinda strange though.

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  26. Hey, send Mr. Clean over to MY house. I don't need a "date" but I sure need to get this pig-stye cleaned up!

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  27. Hey there! I don't know if you already have it but, I'd like to give you The Versatile Blogger Award. You can get it here: http://pleasing2theeye.blogspot.com/2012/02/versatile-blogger-award.html Cheers! :)

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