Sunday, April 1, 2012

Delusions of Grandeur

"I'm still looking for Mr. Right." Says Silicone Sally as she flounces into the galley.

Well crap, I flip off my glasses and wait. Sally is mid forties and ignores the obvious - like bugger off, I'm reading, or no, I do not wish to discuss articles from the National Enquirer.

After she pouts for a moment, Sally thrusts her chin into the air. "I really thought I'd found the perfect guy." She sighs and rolls her eyes at me. "Did that ever happen to you?"

She doesn't want an answer so I shrug.

"The last guy was really handsome and really charming and I really, really thought he was the one."

"So what happened?" I ask before she can sigh again.

"He left me alone at the restaurant." She gives a solemn nod. "He left me sitting alone at the table while he walked out to his car to get a coupon." She shivers and then her eyes glint. "I'm really worth more than a coupon."

"First date?" I ask, hoping Mr. Right knows how lucky he is.

"No," she says, "we'd been dating awhile."

"Maybe he had a plan." I offer. "Maybe he'd like to retire early." Maybe he was outside plotting his escape or trying to get his therapist on the phone.

She stares out the window. "The thing is, I really thought he respected me."

Oh. Shoot Me Now. Really, just shoot me now.

34 comments:

  1. As a guy, I don't know what an appropriate comment would be, but years ago in Psych 101 we learned that confidence is a very important thing. Silicone Sally is probably projecting her neediness, and that scares the crap out of guys.

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  2. I totally agree with Stephen!

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  3. Amazed after reading Stephen's comment. I can't come up with anything better! :D

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    1. Ah, the chorus of me toos. I still can't think of anything better. Super Earthling - still the best moniker ever.

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  4. I get that "oh, shoot me now" feeling as well. Oof.

    -Barb the French Bean

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  5. She sounds overpowering, I would run a mile but I could never leave a date sitting at a table.

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    1. I'd run too Beezlebug, as far and as fast as my chubby legs would carry me.

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  6. Oh, he dodged a bullet! Would it be mean to consider why the poor guy may be low on cash after dating her for 'awhile'?

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  7. Did he walk out to his car and not return? I don't know enough about Sally (Does the silicone refer to anatomy enhancement?)to judge this. Could we get his side of the story? I suppose you know her well but from this dispatch I cannot discern why you are so down on her.

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    1. Well Anthony, I think I left too much unsaid. She wanted this guy to be the one, but when he went out to the car to retrieve a coupon, she dumped him. He came right back, but I wonder if Sally isn't putting more emphasis on money than she is on love.

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  8. I think silicone Sal' is projecting more than just neediness! I can't imagine just leaving a date at a restaurant so she must have really been coming on overpowering and he needed permanent space such that even silicone couldn't win.

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    1. I didn't do a good job with this post. He was gone from the table, five minutes max. Sally wanted Prince Charming, but coupons aren't part of the fairy tale.

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  9. Looking for perfection-- don't we all do it a little without looking in the mirror?

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    1. We do, but how much sweeter would our lives be if we embraced each other's quirks. (And yeah, I wasn't very sympathetic to Sally.)

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  10. Boy that was a short post that told me a helluva lot about Silicone Sally. If I had been the guy I would have gotten my coupon in my car and driven away very very quickly. He dodged a bullet.
    Good think SS didn't ask me - I know why she hasn't met "mr right"

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    1. I'm glad I like quirky guys. Rob had an old VW camper van and had to climb in through the back window to unlock the doors.

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  11. This is so well done! I love how you painted this with your words. Good luck to the guy who got a coupon lol What a crazy excuse ;)

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  12. hehe yep time for someone to get a clue...out to the car to get a coupon...smiles....the man might have been lucky

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    1. I'm not sure he knew it at the time, but yeah, lucky. Thanks for the visit Brian :)

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  13. "Perfect Guy". Isn't that a redundancy?

    No Kelly. I do NOT mean 'oxymoron'.

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    1. Ah Mikey, someday I'm going to appear on your door step and we're going to have a little chatty chat

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  14. I had a date once that had us seated for dinner at a restaurant. When his coupon for half off was not honored he made us leave. I was so embarrassed! It was first date and a last one. He even had the nerve to think he was gonna KISS me at the door that night. NO WAY PAL!

    I feel bad for your friend. It must be tough to be single.

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    1. Ooh sorry Crystal, that's bad date material. So glad you found Mr Pistol.

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  15. At least he came bak from the car and didn't jump in and drive off and leave her to pay the bill

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  16. Exactly and how do you dump a guy over a coupon when you're so sure he's the one?

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  17. Steve is right. Do not project the neediness, Silicon Sally! Crikey. (But keep writing about her, GPD. ;) )

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    1. Can I tell you again how much I loved the underground railroad post?

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  18. oh, we all know one of these ladies...*sigh*

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    1. The Museum of Joy, what a lovely blog site Jericha. Thanks for the visit.

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