Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Git Momma

A woman in her fifties should not suffer ice cubes in her shower. This is a rule.


Hubbie forgot to read the playbook, and as I'm shaving my legs, a frigid wave of water hits my back. I jerk, check for nicks, then howl for blood.


"Dammit Rob, I'm too fat to have a sense of humor."


Quicker than snot, he shoots back, "You're too fat not to." The dog slides under the shower curtain and tries to catch my ankle. I go down laughing, but I'll get even. Maybe I'll turn the water off at the source the next time he suds his hair.


Have I told you Rob taught the dog to bite me on command?


Now before you twist your knickers defending me, you need to know, our dog is more mop than wolf, more lively than disobedient, and absolutely as untrainable as my husband.


As the deadly duo streak from the bathroom, I snag a towel and step from the shower. They leave me in peace for all of five minutes but the moment I shove a toothbrush in my mouth I hear a shout.


"Git momma."


Simon's front paws hit the back of my knees, my legs buckle and I smack against the bathroom cabinets. "Dammit Rob." White foam dribbles from my chin.


Rob is laughing, the dog is wheeling in delighted circles and I know with absolute certainty that Mom was right. By the time you get man or beast trained, they go senile.





















37 comments:

  1. Both your dog and your husband sound like a lot of fun...minus the biting part.

    As far as the training goes, I might be the one to go senile before the training course is complete.

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    1. Training is overrated, might as well embrace senility :)

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  2. Have you ever thought about locking your bathroom door? Or are you a willing partner to all this?

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  3. Ha!!! Life is never boring, my friend.

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  4. Ha ha ha! I love it. Sounds like good times, even with the mundane like getting ready. So funny!

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    1. Yep, mundane, we like mundane. Thanks for the visit Pumpkin.

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  5. We used to do the cold water thing when we first got married. If that happened now... it would probably involve a broken hip, or some other dire injury!

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    1. Isn't that the truth. I kicked Rob a few years back and broke a toe.

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  6. Where would we be without the ability to laugh at each other and ourselves. Great post :)

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    1. I always get a laugh when I visit your blog Roly.

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  7. dogs and men do have an uncommon trait.
    untrainable.

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  8. That's a hoot.
    I thought only my hubby made our dog torment me.
    Thx for the giggle.

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    1. As long as they hug us afterward and hand over a cold beer.

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  9. Maybe you can train the dog to poo in his shoe?

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    1. Simon is now so old he almost dropped a bomb in my work shoe. I'll be training our next pet.

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  10. You guys are hilarious. YOU are a great sport. This Rob character is lucky to have you. If my husband dumped cold water water on me while I was in the shower I'd have his head. :)

    Your little mop dog is adorable.

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    1. I love my little mop dog, but his nickname is Choppers!
      Just waiting for you to chronicle your adventure in the woods.

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  11. This was hilarious but I can assure you, were I to dump cold water on the spouse it is likely the last thing I would do - as a married person. Hehehe............the dog trick now that's something I might work on. I'm so bad.

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    1. Oh Mike Mike, I'll need your wife's number so we can have a little chatty chat.

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  12. They are trying to KILL you! Escape to Ohio, hang by the pool with me and drink margaritas. We shall plot their demise. :)

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    1. Oh yes please. I'm thinking tamarind. Ever have a tamarind margarita?

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  13. Oh, I remember the days when I first got married we did all of that stuff. Now, we are divorced and I just realized when I remarry I will have to start training someone all over again...ughhh.

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    1. Or you could sip a nice glass of cabernet while you feed him prozac.

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  14. LOL. He sounds evil. That's the husband, not a poor defenseless animal who's only doing what he's trained to do. I say dump ice water on him in bed next time he freezes you out in the shower. ;D Or maybe you better not. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's divorce, but still... Go get him somehow!

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  15. That's awful. Next time he's in the shower, flush the toilet for good measure.

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  16. You know what they say about paybacks! I have no doubt that Rob will get his!

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  17. Good times and memories! that's what it's all about...

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