Friday, August 3, 2012

Insecure, Who Me?

"What flipping snow?" I shake my manuscript papers at Rob. "I did not write about flipping snow."

Rob chews on a fingernail and shrugs. "So the critique isn't so hot?"

I shrug. "The heroine is a wimp and too stupid to live." Course I knew that, but I did not mention snow.

"Well," says Rob, "good thing you didn't quit your day job.

I give him the stinkeye and stomp to the fridge. "Want ice cream?"

"No thanks," he says without dragging his eyes from the TV, "go right ahead."

The muscle below my left eye ticks as I cram the spoon into the last carton of Cherry Garcia. I need a new career, I need another carton of ice cream, I need a new ...

"What?" Rob widens his eyes.

I sigh and set down the carton. "When you say, 'go right ahead', what I hear is, 'go right ahead you fat pig.'"

Laughing, he pulls me into a hug I do not want. I jab him with the spoon. He oinks and I can't help it, I start to laugh. Maybe I need to read that critique again.


Click here for Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writers Support Group. This is a blog hop.

85 comments:

  1. It might now be as bad as you think.
    Welcome to the IWSG! Our next post date is September 5.

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    1. Thanks Alex. I'm looking forward to the next round.

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  2. Here it is! What I said in the email is still valid.

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    1. Ms. A, you are a treasure and your email is a gift. Thanks for the vote of confidence and congrats on your latest award.

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  3. Lol we all have our insecurities!! Don't worry though, you're not alone!!

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  4. It's amazing how much our built in translators can carry benign messages to a whole new level~

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    1. Built in translator, I like that and I LOved your take on scorched earth and butterflies.

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  5. Funny. Maybe read the good parts of the critique again. :)

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    1. Er, lets chalk it up to a learning experience. Thanks for the visit Tonja.

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  6. There's a great line someone wrote about critics that bears keeping in mind: When God created artists he made critics from the scrap that was left over.

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    1. Hah, I hadn't heard that one Stephen :)

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  7. Well, at least there was the ice cream!

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  8. Lol - In my early drafts I'm guilty of 'Well, I know what I mean, why don't you?'... I never knew ice-cream was the cure though - I'm off to the kitchen... :-)

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    1. I get so excited when a reader can fill in my probability gaps, but for the rest, yep, ice cream.

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  9. All for the betterment of your story. :)

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    1. Without exception Cate, thanks for the visit.

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  10. Ah yes, it's not just our writing we can be insecure about - any well-meant chance remark can set us off on a bad day!

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    1. Oh sigh, at least I have a short attention span.
      You made a lovely bride Patsy.

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  11. Replies
    1. Hi Sherri,
      thanks for commenting and have a wonderful time in the boondocks. Wish I could tag along :)

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  12. Replies
    1. Yep, down for the count and then back for the next round. Have a splendid day Rachel.

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  13. Replies
    1. Though I like company, you'll be shooting through the stratosphere in no time.

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  14. LOL! Man have I had days like this, like no one is tuning in to my frequency. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog. Now, can you pass me a spoon?

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    1. Well of course. Would you like a teaspoon or a soup spoon?

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  15. Hooray for oinking husbands! I don't have a husband so I'll have to oink for myself.

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    1. Nooo Jennifer, not unless you can laugh at yourself. Besides, it doesn't keep me out of the ice cream carton.

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  16. It's not a critique, but I've just been browsing through your archives and I think you're good. You know how to draw me right into a story!

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    1. Thanks Emily, it helps to have a demented family :)

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  17. Haha LOL! I love how after complaining about the snow you go to something else really cold... ice cream :D

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  18. Kelly. Those damn critics always find something obscure to drive a writer crazy! Got to love them!

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    1. True. They may be the best friends we have.

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  19. LOL, great post! My husband sounds a lot like yours, but believe it or not, I am not a fan of ice cream. I go straight for chocolate or a glass of wine :)

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    1. I talk a good game, but I try not to stock the icy stuff, instead I head straight to a glass of cabernet. Thank God Trader Joe came to Florida.

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  20. I don't even let my hub read my stuff anymore. Got to the point of: "You're not smiling! You're not laughing! Give me back my laptop!"
    Are you cracking the whip on me over the, Kelly? ;) I'm clicking. I'm clacking.

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    1. Hmm, shades of Misery, I'm your biggest fan :)

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  21. The critic was obviously a crack pot, frustrated limerick writer, with delusions of vocabulary. I love your stuff..and obviously that's all that matters ; )

    Would love to join that Support Group but I'm afraid they won't like me.

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    1. Thanks for sticking up for me, but after I cooled down, I realized I needed to ground my setting.
      It was a contest critique so I couldn't ask questions.

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  22. Ha. This is great. I'm reaching for that ice cream right along with you. =)

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    1. MIght be my last carton, I just tried on my uniform pants. Think I'll pack a spare pair in case the seams explode.

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  23. What is it about Ben and Jerry's ... ?

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  24. Funny and original! How's that for a critique?

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    1. Thanks Elizabeth, but that contest entry was a stinker. Ssh, don't tell anyone

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  25. Replies
    1. I'm going somewhere, but according to my sister, I'm on the bus to Hell and Rob's driving.

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  26. I enjoyed this cute, playful dialogue. I hope you replaced Rob. Oops! I didn't mean that! I meant, I hope you replaced the Cherry Garcia.

    Nice to meet you through the IWSG.
    Be well,
    xoRobyn

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    1. Too funny. You know I'm going to show this to him. Right?

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  27. Very realistic. I can easily picture this conversation between a writer and a non-writer!

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    1. I can't plot, but I can regurgitate conversation.

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  28. Right back at you :) Rob is obviously a keeper :)

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  29. Have you been listening in on my daughter and me? Right down to the ice cream! Really though, it's too real!

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    1. Have a dust-up on my flight and you might wind up on my blog. Nice to meet you Karen.

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  30. I go for the mini bar myself...and then I dwell on it longer. Probably not the best idea. I should reevaluate my critique coping mechanism. Very entertaining post!

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    1. Ah the mini bar. I'm too cheap, but I have a nice wine flask so I can have a glass of cabernet when I settle into my hotel room. Have a lovely evening Michael.

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  31. I too like to be entertained! I'm going to read THIS again as well! :)

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    1. Please tell me these hilarious pics are you.

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  32. Ice cream is the answer for ALL the ills of the world. Hi Gene. Happy IWSG! Thanks for the follow.

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    1. Hi Joylene, nice post on self publishing and kindle formats. Enjoy the day.

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  33. This was me all week! Right down to the carton (okay maybe two) of ice cream. So relieved to know I'm not alone.

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  34. I know critiques can be eyeopening. They make us want to cry and then get mad, or vice-verse.

    I know you are being silly (I think you are anyway...hmm, let me rephrase that.)

    Maybe you are being silly, but it's great when a critique is so wonderful, it changes our writing, right?

    Just remind me I said that on *my* next critique. hehe

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    1. I am being silly and I didn't react until the critiquer mentioned snow for the third time. Then I yelled at my husband and stomped to the fridge.

      Once I cooled down, and reread the script for ANY hint of snow, I realized I hadn't grounded the setting. (Among other crap.)

      I think an honest CP is gold and I'm always relieved to have my worries validated.

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  35. Few things combat writer insecurity better than ice cream. My personal favorite is chocolate for revision woes.
    Signed~
    Fat pig and proud of it

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    1. Dad was sentimental at my sister's wedding and called her his little pig. She freaked til he reminded her that she spent a year saying it meant Pretty Intelligent Girl.

      Pistachio, Jamocha Almond, Coffee, Cherry Garcia, Raspberry Cheescake Swirl, Chocolate Trinity ...

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  36. Just letting you know I passed along some blog love your way. Hope on by when you get the chance. :)
    elisefallson.blogspot.com

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  37. So what was it about the snow? LOL - I head for the ice-cream too. Yum.

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    1. Hey, what about snow ice cream? Always a treat.

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  38. I run towards the frozen yoghurt and it is okay to have something to make the critiquing better. I personally take all critique personally, so I end up eating a little more than I should. Thank you so much for stopping by and following my blog.

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    1. I'd like to say I'm discriminating, but nope, anything frozen works. Ice cream, yoghurt, gelato.

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  39. I prefer chocolate...sets everything right...crit hurts but don't let it hurt you

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    1. I actually like crits. I tend not to trust the good stuff. And chocolate? Oh yes please.

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  40. I loved reading this!! It cracked me up and somehow captured something I've felt many times over. ;) Great post. So glad to meet you!

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    1. Nothing better than the sound of laugter, except that gorgeous new baby.

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  41. Oh my awesomeness, this post was incredible, and so real. That has happened in MY house (although without the oinking:)

    thanks for following my blog.

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  42. Hey Kelly!

    Want some friendly advice? No? Well then how about some advice from me?

    Forget writing a book that requires a plot! Write a best seller that is "just" a huge collection of these little vignettes. Do not put them in any kind of order, but let the reader sort that out instead. Include a lot of "Damn it Rob!"s and eye ticks and you'll be a snotty rich aristocrat authoress in no time!

    You'll have to give your sister's, Mom and Dad and me (for this great idea of course)a minor share of your royalties, but you'll still have plenty for Cherry Garcia, so go for it!

    Mike

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    1. I'll never make it in the literary world. Did you notice that silly possessive apostrophe in the above? I sure hope my share of your coming success is enough for ME to live on!

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