Saturday, December 1, 2012

Exposed Your Assets Lately?


We've all been caught in our underwear. Right?

What?

Oh no I'm not buying the denials. Let me speak to your siblings. Your siblings might be truth bending brats but I'm sure they have an interesting perspective on your behavior.

Lets face it, humans are fun to watch. No exceptions.

So I've decided to put your insecurities to ease by sharing a few of my moments. (Send me your moments and I'll post those too. Fine, though tattling on your sibs is a sin, I'll take those as well.)

I have been photographed in my underwear 9,632 times. (By my mom. Don't be a potty brain.)

Not only have I fallen down the stairs, up the stairs and in the hallway, I have flipped over my rollerboard and landed ass over tea kettle at four am while waiting for the elevator. (I was NOT drinking. Shame on you Missie, I'm trying to write an encouraging post here.)

As the only shy sister I wasn't crazy when people mistook me for my sibs. In the interest of full disclosure, I have not been to the nudie-butt beach with Beamer nor have I jumped off chair lifts with Jinxso. My parents are solely responsible for the silly camp songs I sang in public and Brat, well Brat spent an entire year imitating the Fonz so I'm starting to feel a bit better here.

Once I misinterpreted  the hand signal of another driver and when I pulled over to check my tires a trooper parked behind my car and asked what the problem was. Ye-ah, it wasn't until I imitated the other driver that I realized he meant cop, not tire. (Hey, twelve hours of graveyard shift people, twelve hours.)

I blew a snot bubble in first grade, faked a broken leg in eighth and spent a large portion of my freshman year stuffed in lockers.

Feel better?

What, you wanted my greatest insecurity as a writer?

Fine, I have an obnoxious voice and I worry that I drive people crazy. Ah, you're smiling now. Excellent, go off and enjoy your day but send me chocolate I think I've just talked myself into the blues.

               Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writers Blog Hop








44 comments:

  1. Happy Hopping! I'll send lots of chocolate... just in case!

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    1. Much appreciated Ms. A. Now about those babies ...

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  2. Nothing like getting caught in your underwear. My wife swears that as I age the more I expose myself-- in the privacy of my home. She worries about the day I start going out of the house in a forgetful manner.

    Here's a few chocolate kisses for you.

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    1. My favorite.

      Your wife is lucky. I'm just happy when Rob remembers his tightie whities as he trots out to the yard.

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  3. Haaa . . . awesome, your sharing of your shame.
    Obnoxious voice? Do you mean obnoxious writing voice? I think your ballsy, but that's what i luvs about ya. And I miss you when you're gone. So keep writing, mmmkayy?

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    1. I always wanted to be a rebel, but I'm not, so go blaze a trail I can follow. hey I'll bring M&M's.

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  4. Obnoxious? No. Fun? Yes. Definitely. And let's see, as for me, what about the time I got the hem of my skirt caught in my...oh, wait. You said childhood, right? That was just last week...

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    1. Uh oh. Well you have lots of company. A lot of wardrobe malfunctions march out of the aircraft lab. I try to stop them before they have an audience.
      (When strangers grin at me I have to duck behind a pillar and make sure my zipper is still in place.)

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  5. I am not buying that you have an obnoxious bone in your body but those are really funny. Yes, as children we all had our ill-conceived moments of being idiots. I was famous for throwing up in the lunch room in 1st grade and it still is being talked about at high school reunions. That would have been in 1959. As for the voice thing....I had someone ask my boss not to let me speak in meetings as my voice is so annoying. I have been told I sound exactly like Carol Burnette. Isn't that interesting she got rich and I got told to shut up? Life isn't fair.

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    1. I love Carol Burnet. Anyone who shuts down your voice has a hidden agenda, like lack of confidence and the fear you'll show them up. Next time your coworker is around adopt a nasal whine :)

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  6. Ha ha ha! I'm glad that you're writing again. This post is a riot! I would probably die if I were photographed in my undies. Especially nowadays with the internet. :)

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    1. Right! You should have heard my sister when I posted her pic on Oz Knows Poop. Good thing she has a sense of humor.

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  7. Your voice isn't obnoxious at all. I love your prose. Never let that inner voice of insecurity get in your way. My voice in my fiction is uniquely my own, and no literary agent has fallen in love with it yet. But one will, one day. You just gotta believe. And take it from me, your voice is absolutely charming.

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    1. On no, wordpress say's you've taken your blog private. Can't wait til you open the doors again. Charming? I think I love you.

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  8. You should call your blog - Welcome to the House of Fun. You always make me smile.

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    1. Oh I adore The House of Fun. What'll you bet that my sibs are writing Revenge Manor?

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  9. I find it hard to believe that anything about you is obnoxious.

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    1. I have my days, oh do I have my days :)

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  10. I have no undie-adventures, but I helped my mom change my brother when he was a baby and distinctly remember his "sprinkler" going off. The most embarrassing thing that happened to me was laughing with milk in my mouth and shooting it out my nose with a table full of college freshmen guys around me. Not my most attractive look. :P

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    1. Milk shooting from the nostrils is always problematic but don't worry you have plenty of time to expose your skivvies. Sprinkler - cute, very cute!

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  11. At least you didn't blow the snot bubble in high school. *shivers*

    And come on - until you've dropped a mini-pad in the staff room at work, you ain't been embarrassed.

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    1. Oh Lord I hope that scenario is hypothetical. At least embarrassment makes us empathetic, well, except for Mike. I worry about Mike.

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Just what are you up to Mr. Miller?

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    2. Just an important edit. My comment is repeated (edit included) below.

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  13. Thanks for the fun and full disclosure. What was the cop's reaction to the hand signal? I love it! I too have lots of siblings who are eager to reveal all; however, I no longer blog directly about my brother because he got angry at me. He's now mentioned as "He who must not be named."

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. He held it together til he got to the squad car but I saw him hunched over the steering wheel laughing his ass off.

      Two of my sisters are touchy about their image which takes all the fun out of a post.

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  14. Ha ha loved this post, especially the snot bubble

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  15. I have missed you soooooo much! Love this little tell some (cuz I'm sure there are waaaay more stories) tales!

    I, of course, have no such tales to tell. Oh, maybe the time my glasses 'fell' out the bus window and my driver called my mom to tell her I flung them out. Tattle tale. But nothing in my underwear as a child. Now there was the time I came upstairs from doing laundry and threw in the top I was wearing. Leisurely walking upstairs to my room to get another top, I glanced out the window, with which I was fully framed, to see the bug sprayer man 'noticing' me walk by in my bra. Yeah, not cool.

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    1. That might have been one happy bug man.

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  16. No undie-shots, but I do have distinct memories of being out places with my mom and having men ask if she were my sister. I was mortified; I guess she flattered? Ugh.

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    1. Brat is eight years younger and I've been mistaken for both her mother and her younger sister. I prefer the latter!

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    1. My pleasure, I don't think we can laugh too much.

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  18. Obnoxious? Nonsense!! You are funny and know how to tell a story. Otherwise, I'm covered but awhile back my husband was wrestling a sprinkler in the front yard and his pants fell down. : )Ive got Little Debbie Swiss Rolls and Large Hershey with Almond Bars. Which works best?

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    1. I have such a visual of the Seamonkey's dilemma that I might pass on chocolate.
      Nah, I'll go with the Hershey bar. Almonds are healthy right?

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  19. Aren't you leaving out the time as a HS Freshman when that guy asked you if you had any "rubbers"? And you said, "Yeah, but they're at home. They're the kind with buckles down the front."

    Oh wait, maybe that was me the guy was talking to. Ooops.

    About that voice of yours Kelly; I was hoping that might be the one thing that was NOT obnoxious about you! Oh well. [JUST KIDDING!!!]

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    1. Are you sure you weren't in my freshman class?

      You know I'm going to track down that first comment and find the snafu don't you?

      The voice ... Mrs. Donald Duck (but I swear in a baritone!)

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  20. Our assets are securely stored in the Bank, thanks very much.

    Celebrations on your adventures; condolences on your misadventures.

    Blessings and Bear hugs, too.

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    1. Sometimes the misadventures are the most fun but I'll accept a bear hug any day.

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  21. Oh boy, what popped into mind while reading your escapades is an incident involving some sort of Halloween costume at a church party where, for some odd reason, I didn't tell anyone I needed to pee and all I remember is a puddle forming around me and other children scooting away from me as that puddle expanded. I'm not fond of Halloween parties to this day...

    Thanks for the laugh and reminder that exposing assets isn't such a bad memory (there's a few of those too).

    Sending a piece of chocolate cream pie, you know, the kind with the fancy little curls of dark chocolate on top :D

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  22. I love your blogging voice. Darn funny! A breath of fresh air of all the blogs I read.

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  23. http://rewritten-redo.blogspot.com/2013/03/funky-luck.html

    I feel your pain! Ive been in my bra in an ikea during the christmas season...those damned anorak pull overs are a disaster waiting to happen...sadly thats just the start.

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