Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Bedtime Blues

"That's it," I yawn and stretch my arms above my head, "I'm going to bed. You coming?"

Rob doesn't look away from the TV but tips his chin up for a kiss. "Not tired, you go right ahead."

I roll my eyes. Rob does his best sleeping in the evening and by the time I'm ready for bed he's wide awake.

Truth is, I like to sprawl all over that king size bed and if I'm lucky, I'll be sound asleep before he and the dog come in and start their nightly snore-fest.

I'm shrugging out of my t-shirt when I spot Rob's wet smelly jeans on the bed. I freeze and my blood heats. This battle has been a stale mate far too long to suit me. "Robbb ..."

"What?" He lopes into the room and squints into the corners. "Find a spider?"

Like he moves this fast when I do find a spider. "Dammit Rob," I slam my hands to my hips, "Do not put your damned dirty clothes on my bed."

"They're not dirty."

"You were fishing," I hiss but when he starts to grin I slam from annoyance to righteous indignation and my voice ratchets higher, "They're wet and smelly and ..."

"It's my bed too."

Rob's chin tips forward and I know he's ticked. Too bad. "Fine, I'll make this easy for you." I lift his pants with my fingertips and fling them into the laundry basket, "next time you wipe out the bedspread I'm going to steal your credit card and order the most expensive bedding I can find. Got it?"

He gives me a sidewise look. "You wouldn't do that."

Wouldn't I?




37 comments:

  1. I'm not a betting man but I'll lay ten bucks down that you would!

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  2. I think it would be good if he did it again. A beautiful expensive bedspread on the bed AND framed on the wall nearby the receipt! Perhaps also in the frame a signed note stating stains or smells on this spread will require it be replaced.

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    1. Ooh, a framed receipt, I like the way you think.

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  3. And even if he doesn't do it, maybe you should just order them anyway...

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    1. I agree, it isn't healthy if all my threats are idle :)

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  4. Do it! Do it! :). Smelly fishy jeans, yuck!

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    1. Oh sigh, I can't outrun the smelly hubs.

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  5. Sounds more than fair, bedspreads are hard to clean and I think you might need an extra... just in case.

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    1. I threaten, he grins, we both know we're full of crap.

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  6. Ahhh...who is going to make the next move??? I bet you win this battle.

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    Replies
    1. I think I won the moment I laid eyes on him. Don't tell.

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  7. Wet, fishy jeans on the bed does not sound very pleasant. A replacement bedspread may be in order. :) My hubs put a 'do not put in dryer' blouse in the, you guessed it, dryer and shrank it down to kiddie size. The next day I went out and bought an exact replica replacement.

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    1. Ooh, I've done that to my mother's clothes a time or two. The rule in our house, if our clothes survive our laundry habits, we keep them.

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  8. Rob is living on the edge! In my many years of marriage I've learned the best thing to say is "Yes, dear." That doesn't mean I'll do it but it gives me an escape.

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    1. Oh Dannie, either your wife is giving you a pass or you are one deluded hubby.
      (More than likely she's as entertained with you as I am with Rob :)

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  9. That would fix him!! But then he might just put his nasty smelly clothes on your expensive bedspread. UGH.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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  10. Replies
    1. Please, oh Mom of the Perpetually Grounded, tell all. You'll feel better.

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    2. Well...it all starts with -he suddenly decided to remodel the bathroom this weekend..you know what comes next. I think I can leave this story 'unfinished.'; )

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  11. Ooh. You mentioned the credit card. If this were a game of chess, I'd say that this is a "check" move.

    -Barb

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    Replies
    1. It would be if I weren't the one trying to keep us to a budget.

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  12. love the pic with the dog shot too!! LOL yup a man needs to be warned...hehe

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  13. Sounds like my house. What's wrong with men? Would they honestly not notice if they lived in a barn that no one ever cleaned? But let their food be late on the table by 15 minutes and they give you that hang-dog look.

    Your post is really funny and well-written, and I enjoyed it despite sometimes wishing I were single...

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    1. I'm the one that needs to be fed, watered and put to bed on schedule or I flip to the dark side. Rob has learned to cook in self defense.

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  14. Wow. I knew you could get tough. But fishy pants? I mean ... is it really that big a deal? Men smell. We smell from our sweaty work (not me, all I do is write), our sweaty hobbies (not me, all I do is read), and our sweaty eating habits (OK, me too).

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    1. Hmm, please put your significant other on the phone. We need to have a little chatty chat.

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  15. I think you're being a bit unfair on old Rob. Next time gently postion his wet and smelly discarded clothes on his side of the bed, or alternatively over his head.
    He'll get the message.

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    1. No, no, no. No creeping wet fishiness anywhere near the bed. And Rob, Rob doesn't read his messages.

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  16. Pants, jeans and trousers do not belong on a bed. You should have lifted them off the bed and threw them ...
    What does "It's my bed too" mean? Why despoil it?
    Bed is for sleeping and. C'mon Robb give your BW a break, will ya'?

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    1. I knew I liked you Anthony. I'm sending your comment to Rob.

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  17. I'm worried about you Kelly. Are you OK? I counted three (YOU count them; THREE) half hearted admissions in your replies, that Rob is worth his weight in scales!

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    1. No worries, when my hands quit cramping and I can open my own chocolate bars, the gloves come off!

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