Tuesday, July 2, 2013

This is My Last Trip to the House of Crazy.

Mom & Betsy
So it's been awhile, and I can't quite get back into the blogging groove so I've decided to post short snippets from Chasing Betsy.

Chasing Betsy has legs, or so I was told by a lovely agent at a recent workshop. She also mentioned punctuation problems. Lots and lots of renegade commas, and ... okay, okay, stop nodding, I promise to take an English for Dummies course, but in the meantime, it's just bits of truth twisted into fiction.

Be brutal, if Rob can't make me cry, neither can you. Big hugs for even looking.



                                               CHASING BETSY

        

This is my last trip to the house of crazy. I can't bring myself to use the front door, which annoys my grandmother and entertains me. I wouldn't come home but Pops is ill and I need to be with him. Standing alone, in the dark alley behind the house, it hits me. This might be the last time I’ll ever see my grandfather, Pops, the only family member who loves me, who gets me. I wait a minute and then fumble along the fence until my fingers slide over the latch and what feels like a padlock. I’ve been locked out. Well crap, what did I expect? Four years is a long time.


21 comments:

  1. Oh, yay! A snippet! Love it. :) Four years is - definitely - a long time.
    This has legs! Oh yes, it does! You go, lady.

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    1. I've been crawling for awhile, now I'm up to a gentle trot. Can't wait to see what you do next.

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  2. I think that first sentence is contemporary, and captivating. I wouldn't worry too much about punctuation, which is the easiest fix in a manuscript.

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    1. Thanks Stephen. I swear I'm gonna conquer those damned commas.

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks Peg, glad you didn't get hurt in your fender bender. Remember Tawanda!
      (And if you forgot Tawanda, rent Fried Green Tomatoes :)

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  4. ...and isn't that what an editor is for? editing, grammar, punctuation, spelling etc? You are the writer to just write. Jeez. Must I do everything?

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    1. You'd think I could just work overtime and let someone else fix that crap but I have control issues and I want to command commas with authority. Oh okay, I'm cheap but I'd still like to master my punctuation.

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  5. I love this. I get the emotion and I love the idea about the house of crazy. Your piece is well written. I also tend to use commas too much, even though it does not quite seem like it in the beginning.

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    1. Right. I was told that commas are there for a pause, a breath, so I've decided I must just breathe funny. Have a great day Murees.

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  6. Very interesting little snippet. :) Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Wait a minute... I've read this before, haven't I? I know my memory isn't the greatest, but this is something I recall reading even more than this snippet. Please tell me it is! (and I loved it)

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    1. Thanks Ms. A, you're not crazy. I posted a rough draft of the first chapter awhile back. Now I've decided to post snippets from the book I'm working on.

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  8. And a wonderful snippet it is! As far as the criticism you are getting about proper punctuation. Bah, I say. (actually I would say f*** but I was trying not to dirty up your comment section) People need to quit worrying about your commas and appreciate your content. Some people have gotten famous for NOT using proper punctuation. e.e. Cummings for example. He also made up cool words like mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.

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    1. Remember Archy and Mehitable? No punctuation. The cockroach was too small to hit the correct keys. Lucky cockroach.

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  9. Look, Kelly. You want me to criticize something that I like? I enjoyed the short piece and would like to read and know more. You have a talent for making me feel and laugh and you really should write novels-- if just to entertain.

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    1. Dannie you're wonderful, but when I leave you scratching your head - tell me. Hope you enjoyed your vacation stateside. Or are you still here?

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  10. Thanks Gary. I got a kick out of your summer vacation post but I couldn't get past the evil captchas to tell you so. Enjoy the day.

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  11. keep going.... your style is very intriguing, draws the reader in... and entertaining... which keeps them wanting more...

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