Friday, September 27, 2013

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night

"It was a dark and stormy night." I mouth as I pound away on my laptop. Wait. This is familiar. I
delete the line and try again. "It was ... It was ... "

Crap, the words don't flow so I force myself into the zone. I'm a writer. I'm ...

"It was a dark and stormy night. It was ... " Jesus. Must the neighbors mow their lawn right now?

"It was a dark and stormy ... " Damn, will Rob ever fix the leaky toilet or must I do everything? I frown at the keyboard, bite my lip, try to focus.

"It was ... " Ah buggers. So much for chapter twenty seven. Now Rob and J.T. are back from fishing and I won't accomplish a thing. Camped out in the recliner, I sigh, then hear them back the boat into the side yard, where metal grates metal, and a hissing geyser of grey steam trumpets past the window. "Son of a ..." I shoot to my feet and send the front door crashing back on it's hinges.

@#$*  %!@##* it Rob. You just hit my *^#@K!^$ air conditioner. Midway to a stroke I become aware of two things. One, there's a wide eyed woman, dressed in a bathing suit, holding an inflatable killer whale, sitting in the back of a pick up truck, in front of my house. And two, our eleven year old neighbor, J.T.'s baby blues are saucer wide.

I give the kid a look and roll my eyes. "Next time you two fish, maybe you could drive."

He grins and runs off to inspect the damage.

Not ready to view the twisted remains of my air conditioner, I stand in the drive, arms tight across my chest doing my gol damndest to curtail my swearing.

Rob climbs out of the cab. "Did I hit the air conditioner?" I narrow my eyes and he grimaces.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I ... "

Confused, I turn toward the voice and spot the woman, minus the killer whale, headed my way. I guess she came to swim in Mary's pool.

"This is all my fault. I really wasn't in a hurry but Mary said Rob never has trouble when he parks the boat."

I choke. Our next door neighbor Mary should know better. "Not true. This is Rob's fault. No one else's." She opens her mouth to argue and I jam a finger in the air. "Not only is this his fault but he's torn down the internet wire, twice. And my garage door. Have you seen my garage door?"

She starts to smile. "I feel really bad."

"Don't," I laugh, "Rob's fault."

Three hours, and several hundred degrees of Florida steamy heat, later the air conditioner guy steps out of his van. The same repairman from last week. I swear if I see him one more time I'll adopt him.

As the boys tromp off to examine the wreckage I get back to work.

"It was a dark and stormy ..."







34 comments:

  1. Mirrors. That's all I have to say. An inflatable whale and a woman in a bathing suit...I can honestly say, though I own a pool, I have seen that in front of or at my house. I feel so boring now.
    It was a dark and stormy night and perfection eluded me. Does that help?

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    1. They were both pretty cute and much better behaved than I was. So yep, no perfection. It was a dark and stormy night. My favorite rendition is Snoopy's

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  2. This was too funny...written I mean, not the situation! Great writing!

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    1. Thanks Barb, I enjoyed your post over at LLM. Good thoughts on a sensitive subject.

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  3. Few things besides nature have the potential of becoming dark and stormy more than a wife. But I'd have been angry, too.

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  4. Ahem. I like to imagine you are the calm oasis on the dark and stormy night.

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  5. Ok...I am being old and stupid...where is your "like" button????

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    1. Uh oh, I had to look. g+ is googles version of like but it appears I can add a Facebook one as well. Arrgh. I'm old too and I try never to read to directions so I'll work on it. But enough about that, I'm poppin over to say hello.

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  6. How about the onomatopoeia approach? Bam! Hot steam fizzled off the airconditioner unit as it wheezed its last breath on a blistering hot day. Good luck with that one!

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. Much better. Trumpeting = cliche = elephants and has nothing to do with steam. Sigh

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    2. Three ways to start:
      1.) emotion
      2.) action
      3.) dialogue

      http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  7. HAHAHAHAHA! Who needs a stormy night when you have absolute chaos in your own yard???? :)

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    1. I married chaos, but he's a damned good hugger.

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  8. Dark and stormy nights can be so intriguing..... but rob sure knows how to steal the thunder!.... chapter 27? Really? I am trying to write a children's book.... man, it sure takes time.... but I guess, time is what I've got.....

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    1. Ooh, ooh, standing in line to be a beta reader. Pick me, pick me.

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  9. An inflatable whale surely eased the tension. Who could look at a grown woman with an inflatable whale and not laugh...well maybe not at the actual moment the air conditioner is getting mangled but later when the repairman done.

    I sort of feel bad for Rob...calm down, I said sort of...I can't back a vehicle up straight to save my soul. I suck. I am now discussing trading in my SUV on a newer model that has a back up camera. Seems like a lot of money to spend because...I suck.

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    1. Don't worry, Rob rarely notices. I'm a bit, ah, reactionary and some of my unfortunate speech patterns I learned in the military. Surprised, I yell first, swear second, ask questions last. Good news is, I can usually laugh within moments.
      Rob laughs right away.

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  10. Your descriptions are amazing - J.T.'s baby blues are saucer wide - that was vivid.

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    1. Thanks Suzy. I enjoyed your October inspired poem.

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  11. Distraction . . . distraction . . . *BAMM!*
    Air conditioner.
    Non-fiction is so much easier than fiction.
    Fiction: I don't even try it.
    I love your dark and stormy nights. :)

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    1. Er ... the nights are lovely but I tend to get a little stormy. Rob? Rob just keeps on being Rob.

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  12. It was a dark and stormy night and there was a wide eyed woman, dressed in a bathing suit, holding an inflatable killer whale, sitting in the back of a pick up truck, in front of my house.

    There you go! All you need ; )

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    1. I didn't think I had the imagination to be a writer. Then I met Rob.

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  13. At least you have valid distractions from writing, unlike my own self-imposed compulsion not to miss the latest episode of Scandal...or NCIS, or, of course, Covert Affairs. :-)

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    1. Hah, when I have no distractions, I pin pie recipes on pinterest. Lots and lots of pie pins.

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  14. UGH the distractions... Still, I want to read more, so you must be doing something right!!

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  15. beutiful for share this article and enjoy read for me thanks...

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  16. "Diminishing Gene Pool" has been included in the A Sunday Drive for this week. Be assured that I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.

    http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-sunday-drive.html

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  17. This is so funny! Now I think your next post is even funnier...

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  18. There is nothing thus disagreeable, which a patient head can not discover a few solace for it.

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