Sunday, November 17, 2013

Trippin a Fuse


"Well, I thought I had a hot flash." I tell my gyno and wait for his usual reaction.

"See," he waggles a finger at me, "I told you it would happen."

Yeah, predictable but wrong. Of course my attitude took a drastic shift from snotty to nice, but hot flashes? "Nah, I refuse to get hot flashes." He shakes his head but I have more to say. "I was in the bathroom when the temperature skyrocketed and I wanted to hurt my husband."

"That," he says, head bobbing, "is definitely a hot flash."

My gyno is a nice man. He has silver hair. He has a wife who quilts and his instruments are warm. Warm is good. Ankle cocked across his knee, he leans back in his chair and peers at me. He looks amused. Swathed mummy style in a paper gown I sit on the table and wait a beat. "You would think so," I roll my eyes, "but Rob put flood lights in the bathroom fixture." I splay my fingers. "Five floodlights."

Eyes bright, he guffaws.

I win, sort of. I've got Rob and Rob has a strange and marvelous mind. Where he gets his ideas is a mystery to me. Floodlights indeed.


26 comments:

  1. Hot flashes? I barely survived my wife's hot flashes.

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    1. And how did she feel? It's been long enough I may never get one, but if I do, I'm moving to Alaska.

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  2. Flood lights...that would kill me on two levels. First, I really do get hot flashes so I don't need any more heat heading my way. AND 2. Extra light shining on me coming out of the shower is just cruel.

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    1. Right. This wasn't deliberate sabotage but Rob was sure proud of himself.

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  3. I might need a little extra light in the bathroom, but flood lights? I DON'T THINK SO! I'm already contemplating destroying the mirror.

    I used to laugh at my mother in law when she talked about hot flashes, until I had them. Whoa, talk about internal combustion! That was many years ago, but I can still remember how it felt. One thing I can say... they eventually pass!

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  4. I ain't lookin' forward to hot flashes. I think I should get extra credit from someone for the outrageous heat we have most of the time down here...

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  5. Flood lights?! No bueno.

    My boss, prone to mood swings and dishing out criticisms, recently mentioned her going through menopause as an excuse for 'barky' behavior. Ugh.

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  6. Oh yeah! I know about hot flashes. From an observer and innocent bystander's point of view...
    If you have the time and/or inclination, I recently posted this.
    http://www.patricktillett.blogspot.com/2013/10/can-we-please-talk-about-menopause-for.html

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  7. Hot flashes? No Fun.

    Peas in a pod. Rob and my SeaMonkey...yep...Except mine will install them and then a few months later say not to use them because they use to much electricity.

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  8. You had me at "warm instruments." Who is this man? He must be my gyno. Mine!

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  9. Ugh I think I'm there, too... sigh...

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  10. I thought warm instruments was the name of a rock and roll band��

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  11. Flood lights? Maybe his aim is off or perhaps his eyesight, lol. I've been through the hot flash episode with my wife and I had never been so kind to her to no avail.

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